Choosing Love Over Shame: A New Way to Move Through the Day

Recently, I’ve had many mornings where I wake up with a heavy feeling I can’t quite name. A sort of quiet defeat. Even after a full night’s sleep, I often find myself with little to no energy—and the confusing part is, there’s technically nothing I have to do.

I’m currently not working. I’ve given myself space—on purpose—to rest, reflect, and realign. But the lingering guilt and shame of choosing to take time off sometimes robs me of the peace I thought this season would bring.

There are days I mistake this feeling for depression. I lie in bed, overwhelmed not by tasks, but by the absence of them. I reach for control by over-cleaning my home, only to find myself exhausted and still unsatisfied.

What I began to realize is that I was channeling shame into everything I did.

Shame became the reason I got out of bed. Shame drove me to scrub every surface. Shame pushed me into action—not because I wanted to, but because I thought I should. And unsurprisingly, none of it made me feel better.

So I tried something new.

I decided to experiment with what would happen if I channeled love instead.

I cleaned the house—not because it needed to look perfect, but because I love my boyfriend and wanted to surprise him with a peaceful space.

I drove an hour to see friends—not because I was afraid of being forgotten, but because I love them, and I wanted to be with them.

I did yoga—not to undo what I ate the day before, but because I love myself and I wanted to feel a little more connected.

Suddenly, things started to shift.

When I rooted my actions in love, I didn’t feel crushed or defeated. I didn’t spiral into thoughts about what I should be doing. I wasn’t dragging myself through the day just to quiet guilt.

Instead, I was meeting myself with kindness—and it changed everything.

What I’ve learned is this:

When you do something out of shame, it drains you.
When you do it from love, it restores you.

If you’re finding it hard to move through your day right now, maybe pause and ask:

• Am I doing this because I feel I have to?

• Or am I doing it because I want to?

• Is this an act of love—for myself, my space, or someone I care about?

Because here’s the thing: if love isn’t present, maybe that task isn’t needed. At least not in this moment. And that’s okay.

Choosing love doesn’t mean you’ll always feel motivated or joyful. But it does mean you’re choosing to honor yourself—even in the smallest ways.

And maybe that’s the real work right now.